


Through Your Words with My Hand

by SarcasticBeanie



Category: Naruto
Genre: (kind of) gender bending? only in the books though, Angst and Feels, Angst and Humor, Deviates From Canon, English translation, Excuse my bad english and tagging, Humor, I don't know, Icha Icha Series, M/M, Misunderstandings, Originally Chinese, Originally Posted Elsewhere, Pining, Rating May Change, Romance, everyone who died in the Forth Shinobi War lives
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-18
Updated: 2018-08-16
Packaged: 2019-06-28 07:56:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15703059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SarcasticBeanie/pseuds/SarcasticBeanie
Summary: The forth Shinobi war's over, (almost) everyone's alive, and Obito's chained to Kakashi, whether they like it or not.Things between them are as normal as it could be considering the situation they're in, but it all starts to change when Obito's given the job to continue a well-known book series -- -- the Icha Icha series.What could possibly go wrong?(well, everything or nothing, it seems.)





	Through Your Words with My Hand

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [穿过你的坑我的手](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/407079) by 我在木叶卖彩票的那些日子. 



[ ](https://ibb.co/nRoyXe)

translation cover

 

“Of course you heard right, Uchiha Obito, sir. You’ve been appointed to manage and compose the next _Icha Icha_ series from this day on.”

 

“Explain.”

Obito’s face darkened to a point that calling his expression “thunderous” would be an understatement; with half his face a lighter color than the other and lined with scars, any kid under ten would probably burst into tears upon seeing him.

 

You have to understand, though, that as an editor in the shinobi world, one must be accustomed to various threats of imaginative deaths, explosive tags by mail, multiple kunais sent his way and plenty others. In comparison, this bit of anger wasn’t something the editor couldn’t handle with his specialized S-ranked Ninjutsu, the “business smile”.

 

“It’s like this,” clearing his throat, the editor started, “our company signed an agreement with Mr.Jiraiya for seven books of the _Icha Icha_ series, all agreed to be published from our publishing house, but — as you probably know — there were a few scuffles between Mr.Jiraiya and your, uh. Your organization. Akatsuki. The thing is, he’s refusing to continue the series now.

Our publishing house has already talked to Konoha’s officials. The _Icha Icha_ series are of great renown all around the world, and leaving it unfinished will most likely disappoint many readers. So this series, as finally decided, will be your problem……I mean, your responsibility— —”

 

“What kind of logic is that?” Obito slapped the table in front of him in anger, “He pushes the burden of _writing a book_ onto the rival organization’s boss just because he can’t finish what he started?!” Besides, isn’t the old guy revived already?!

 

“Actually, it _was_ Mr.Jiraiya who recommended you as the writer,” the editor continued with sincerity, seemingly unfazed by the Uchiha’s interruption, “he said that if it were you, the story would be brilliant.”

 

“That’s trash,” Obito remarked coldly, “Why would I ever accept the offer?”

 

“Well, the Konoha officials agreed to some of our terms while we talked, one of which is that you would be able to leave to find outside inspiration.”

 

...Leave to find outside inspiration?

 

To be honest, though most who died in the forth Shinobi war were eventually revived, Obito didn’t have the same luck as Sasuke to be able to come and leave as he wishes (since Obito technically was the “boss” of the war). The only place he could sulk around was in Konohagakure, or more specifically, in a two kilometers radius circle with the Hokage’s office as the origin.

 

What makes it even worse is that his favorite dumpling shop is tragically placed at the very entrance of Konoha, forcing him to ask acquaintances to bring take-away food (teleporting is prohibited, and the Sixth Hokage himself would probably be watching the Kamui dimension). Obito doesn’t quite have an abundance of acquaintances, and the people he is acquainted with were mostly his enemies…there are layers of hate upon hate directed at him, with only some who are surprisingly forgiving popping in to bring take-out boxes every now and then, which seems nice, until he opens the boxes and realize they’re full of ramen.

 

Life is pointless this way.

 

Writing novels actually seem better.

 

“I can write something else,” Obito tried, “Something like — _Leadership_ , _The Ways of Organizations_ , _Shinobi’s Life of Blood and Reward_ , _Encouragement from Underground_ , _10 Ways to Cure Mental Diseases_ ; or even something like _The Life of Uchiha Itachi_ or _Deidara’s Field of Aesthetics_ , I mean, if anyone working in the organization can spike your interest—”

 

“I’m sorry, but it has to be the _Icha Icha_ series.

It might not be as hard as you think it is,” the editor coaxed, “Enjoy the sun, go traveling, look at beauties — that’s all you need to do according to Mr.Jiraiya.

This is a world of peace, now; every clan leaps at the chance to invent commercial products to keep pace with the times. I've heard that your...original clan, the Uchihas, launched the Tsukuyomi simulation; it's bursting with so many customers now that you'd have to get in line for the service, and experiencing it once costs as much as an A-ranked mission. You can't be left behind by your juniors or descendants.

I've also heard that its inspiration came from your idea that 'the Infinite Tsukuyomi brings happiness to all'."

 

"The fu-- seriously?"

 

"There's no conflict anymore. The industry of culture is pulling ahead." The editor pushed his glasses upwards, “I'll leave Mr.Jiraiya's works here. If you're interested, you can take a look. Please send an eagle when you've decided whetherto take up the offer."

He then stood up, put _Icha Icha Paradise_ , _Icha Icha Violence_ and _Icha Icha Tactics_ on Obito's desk, bowed, and left.

 

“What kind of trash are these,” Obito shot down the books, scoffing, then picked one up to sweep through the lines--

 

**Oh, baby I want to feel your heat — yes, here, now, fill me up with your — —**

**She’s sad, she’s lonely. She needs to be in _that man’_ s arms to feel warmth.**

**My dear, you-you’re so _big_ — yes! There! Wonderful!**

 

What even is this???

 

How the hell is this interesting?

 

Isn’t it just a bunch of exclamations and dirty words piled into a whole book of porn？This stuff is popular？

 

Remembering Kakashi's obsession with this kind of trash, he felt his lips curl up further in distaste.

 

These books are way too simple. He could write as much as he wishes to--especially with the Sharingan.

 

It would be an easy operation: First, more or less copy all pornographic words, then randomly piece them together, change a few settings, then a few positions, string a few different lines together, and that's it; doesn't everyone write porn the same way?

 

Obito quickly finished a few thousand words and, completely satisfied with the draft, flipped through the pages once more.

 

Perfect!

 

Of course porn would be as easy to write as expected!

 

Rather smug, Obito made the decision to flaunt the drafts in front of Kakashi; with his unexplainable obsession with these books, he'd surely be awestruck.

 

The new writer, as a man of his word, immediately grabbed the drafts and brought it to the Hokage's table, telling the other to take a look.

 

Surprisingly, the Lord Hokage wasn't occupied when Obito came in; but he didn't even get to greet his companion properly before he was promptly pressed to read the draft.

 

"It's the newest installment of the _Icha Icha_ series," Obito clarified, pleased with himself, 'it's from an inside source. No need to be grateful." He specifically decided not to tell Kakashi who actually wrote this, so that when the other becomes completely awestruck by the draft, he could see his surprise and admiration after he reveals that he's the true author.

 

Kakashi's eyes lit up with interest as he started scanning through the draft; then what Obito could see of his face quickly turned blank as he continued to read through, eventually ending in thinly veiled displeasure as he put the draft down without finishing the last few pages.

 

"Which novice wrote this?" Obito watched as Kakashi's usually impassive brows furrow in anger, "This is an insult to the _Icha Icha_ series--is the publishing house actually going to use this?"

 

"Huh?" Obito voiced his disagreement, tapping the papers in front of him, "This can't be an insult. What's wrong with it? It's filled with the fragrance and beauty of lust as well as primal desire; how are you not satisfied?"

 

“Isn’t porn just those words？***ah, **ah,*****aahh, put***here***, then*****, her****describe it as*******, finally just*******. **************multiple times****************, ******************change a position*************************let her******move and thrust******************happily ************* **********************can’t take it anymore***************wailed*****************dripping with sweat*****************, then they find peace and love in life.”Kakashi smiled, eyes forming crescent moons above his mask, “Anyone can write it, right? Change a few words, then you’ll escape being called out for plagiarism. Doesn’t everyone do the thing similarly?”

 

“……

How are not even bothered by saying...what you just said, at the _Hokage's table_?" Obito's face shifted through several shades and colors, in either anger or embarrassment.

 

"No, none of that's actually important," continued the other man, deaf to Obito's words.

 

"The **soul** ," pointing to a well read _Icha Icha_ Paradise on his desk, Kakashi finished, “if you can't get the readers to fall in love with the soul of you character, they most likely won't fall in love with his or her body, either."

 

Obito looked a bit shaken by his words; the one who's usually not so opiniated on trivial matters, in order to save his favorite series from the hands of a novice author, started to lecture Obito on the importance of building a character, "Words aren't pictures. A single picture may be enough to show the beauty of a maiden, but words need to hold spirit; like a moon through the thin, misty fog, its light almost reachable as it continues to slip through your fingers... in short... 

This is trash." The sixth Hokage gave his final verdict, "Tell the novice who wrote this to polish their skills before they can completely ruin the series."

 

"Trash??!?" Obito Uchiha pulled at the Sixth's robe, resisting the urge to hang him from his huge face on the wall, "Then tell me, if you understand so much, how would you create a, what? Yeah, a maiden with a soul.'"

 

"It's like building a tiny person," Kakashi sensei informed his old acquaintance patiently, gently extracting himself from the man's grip, “Build up the foundations of a vague impression first, then gradually start knowing her as a person, understanding her nature, hobbies, appealing characteristics, frightening ones, things she like, things she hate, her past, her future......"

 

"Okay, I get it," Obito interrupted, his hand raised slightly, "treat her as someone who really exists, shape her, love her."

 

"Absolutely right," answered Kakashi, nodding approvingly.

 

"Then use her to provide fan service."

 

“Right too."

 

"Who the hell would actually fucking do that!!??" Obito tossed the draft at Kakashi's face and walked out, seething.

 

Shot down in such a way by a loyal reader of this series, Obito felt his heart rise to the challenge (god he’s starting to sound like Gai), and he quickly sent an eagle to relay the message——he’s taking the job.

 

Flames of war burnt bright in his heart——just you wait, he vowed, I’ll one day finish writing porn that Kakashi won’t be able to put down!

 

Then tell him!!! That!!! I wrote it!!!!

 

 

======================

 

So the first step would be to create a tiny human.

 

A story, especially porn, must have an appealing main female role. Kakashi's right about that, as much as Obito doesn't want to admit it. How's he supposed to do that, though? ...Well, there is the saying that art stems from life, so should he find an example in real life?

 

He did have a crush on...her, before, but he can't even think about making her the main character of porn...so how 'bout trying to find inspiration from other women of Konoha?

 

…Come on, don't be ridiculous. Women of Konoha? They're usually beings even more "macho" than men. Peeking in the showers most likely end in either a guaranteed death, or a punch that'll send you straight to the moon; groups of mothers have fought off multiple invasions from other countries with simple pots and pans; the rest, well, they're fangirls who drool at hot boys and squeal. A lot. Using any of them as templates'll probably only result in readers losing hope for humanity......

 

This world definitely still needs the Infinite Tsukuyomi.

 

Seriously though, most women here are rather "conservative" (by porn standards)，and lack the appeal needed to be the main female role of this series—— simply put, they're not seductive enough.

 

How 'bout looking at the problem from a different angle?

 

Build the main character first, then try to find a template in real life that fits?

 

Perfect idea! Creating a woman of his dreams with his “manly instincts” should be easy enough!

 

An appealing female character……well, a good figure is kind of a requirement. Perfect in all the right ways, full breasts with a slender waist, porcelain skin too; a too mild character can’t arouse the reader's urge to conquer, so she must seem haughty and cold at first, but with a heart of gold. She has a head of long silver hair, striking a moon like arc in the air as she’s running under the night’s protection; she kills tenderly, so gentle that her cruelness is almost unseen.

 

She’s different from those “normal” girls; she won’t go squealing at handsome boys on the training grounds. Instead, she’ll dress in her tight skinned dress after missions and ask for a Martini at the bar, with a cherry on top of her drink, the fruit the same color as her soft lips; she can drive any man (and some women) insane if she wishes to. In contrast with her usual demeanor, she has a beautifully sweet smile: her eyes become crescent moons, the beauty mark near her lips lift up with her lips, almost as if to lure you in for a kiss.

 

She’s steady, wise and precise. She never strikes rashly, and when she does strike, it ends in the death of her opponent--never has she ever failed a mission. She’s trusted by her leader to carry out missions sworn to secrecy in the dark; yes, she’s an ANBU agent as well.

 

She’s had a failed love affair, and she’s never forgotten the man who betrayed her. She’d once drowned herself in alcohol to forget the past, but eventually woke up from that drunken dream and walked on, still carrying the wound that man left on her.

 

Obito felt his pen move across the paper smoothly, and almost didn’t need to stop and think; as he finished writing down her main impressions, he threw the pen down with a vague grunt of satisfaction.

 

It can’t go wrong! A main character like this’ll definitely be popular, appealing to even the harshest readers of the series!!

 

The main problem is…how to find a template for such a character.

 

It seems near impossible.

 

I mean, what kind of man wouldn’t want to be married to a woman like her if she actually exists?

 

How can he even start the story with his lack of imagination, if he doesn’t have some kind of inspiration?

 

What to do…

 

The author put his chin into his hand, racking his brains in despair.

 

Then.

 

The door bell rang.

 

“Obito, Naruto and the others asked if you’d want to have dinner with them,” Kakashi’s voice sounded lazily from outside the door.

 

The light of thought, the sparks of inspiration——upon hearing his voice, they burst into a motley collection of colorful fireworks, dazzling and brilliant.

 

Calm and prescient, pretty enough and with porcelain skin, attractive and aloof (before), and finally, someone with a dark past--

 

Isn't that a somewhat perfect description of!! Hatake Kakashi??!!

**Author's Note:**

> This is a translation from the original work. It's awesome. Go read it if you want to.


End file.
